When a marriage proposal is accepted, the stage is set for formal prospective bride/groom viewing. It is a ritual in itself, it need not culminate in a  marriage. But this ritual is performed for both families to meet and discuss things informally.

The bride is decked up, some do it grandly, others are inclined to be simple. In some cultures, the bride’s family goes to the groom’s house, in some cultures it is the other way. In arranged marriages, the couple wouldn’t have seen each other before, though that is no longer the norm.

Both the families are on best behavior, each may try to out do the other. Influential relatives will be paraded, the educational and societal qualifications of each member will be declared. The career advancements of all the family members will be announced. It is a subtle sizing up of each other, the unasked question is, “Are you capable of matching my family?”

After the families have introduced each other, the girl and boy’s qualities are exchanged. Each family will try to impress the other by emphasizing the positive qualities of the child. The girl’s skills at cooking, arts and crafts, some musical or dance achievements, educational qualifications, job opportunities, etc. will be offered. The boy’s family, not to be outdone, will also throw light on his achievements.

The young couple are then very indulgently asked to speak to each other. Of course if the couple are in love, this formality is not there. If the parents on either side are for the marriage, they respect and accept their child’s choice, there is no posturing and no attempt to impress each other. Though sometimes, one party may break the norm.

After the meeting is over, the visiting party will take leave. Of course after partaking of the refreshments offered. Either the decision may be taken there itself, or one of the families will ask for time to give the final verdict.

This request for time will normally come when it is a very formal alliance seeking. This used to be the prerogative of the boys’ families. They would visit many girls’ homes, meet the families, exchange the usual information, eat what ever was presented and leave saying that they would write in their reply. It would be non committal and the girls’ family would be left wondering whether the reply would be favorable or not.

Things are changing and sometimes it is the girl’s party that seeks the time. One young man has written  to say he went to see a prospective bride, and liked her a lot. They spoke for sometime, he found her very suitable for him. He felt the alliance would be fixed, but the girl’s family said they need time to consider.

Now he feels disturbed. He wants to know why they need time?  He has liked the girl and feels she is suited to him in every way. He fails to understand this has to apply on the other side too. Maybe the girl’s family have other alliances to consider. Or they need time to discuss with relatives, get the girl’s opinion, give her time to consider, and other sundry details. He feels stressed and wished they had given their positive answer.

He also failed to consider the fact that just as he has expectations, the girl too can have hers. The family too can have expectations in the type of son-in-law they want. Or there could be any other genuine reason. Maybe the girl’s brother or any close relative is abroad, his/her opinion maybe needed, anything. The girl’s family have not breached any rule by asking for time.

I suggested to him to wait and see if they contact his family. It was nothing personal, they just needed time to consider the proposal. There was nothing much he could do, he had expressed his desire to marry the girl. So he has to wait and hope he gets a favorable reply.

Another girl too have written to me for a similar reason. She had been seen by a prospective groom, his family had come over and seen her. She liked the boy, felt very comfortable with him, and thought it was mutual. But the boy’s family said they would call later. This girl waited for a week, and went into a panic mode. She wrote to me she was stressed out, since she really liked the boy.

Other than wait, she had no option. Or she could maybe get one of her family members to contact and ask for a reply. Tell the boy’s family if they were not favorable, the girl’s family would like to proceed with other alliances. This way she could get an answer.

What these youngsters do not understand is that a marriage is a serious thing, it is the coming together of two families. Things cannot be rushed and they cannot repent in leisure. It requires a lot of analysis,  observation, discussion with family, friends and well wishers, organization and a whole lot of issues.

Patience is a virtue that has to be cultivated, and exhibited in certain situations. But the youth are an impatient lot and they look for instant gratification. That is the reason adults are required to conduct important issues like marriages. 
 

(1 votes, average: 1 out of 5)

 Loading ...