Both are working and so can be considered to be mature and responsible. But they are behaving in a decidedly immature fashion. They have consulted a counselor, but it doesn’t seem to have had any desired effect.
The husband has decided that there will be no contact of any sort between him and his wife for a few months. He will wait and see if the relationship improves. If not, he will take further steps. That is whether separation is called for or not. If the relationship improves, he will be happy.
There are two issues here, both are not going to help the marriage. The first is, he maybe feeling he is doing everything, his wife is unnecessarily complaining. His wife has to contribute more, in the sense, follow his lead, cater to his wishes, accept the dictates of his family and learn to be happy with the scene.
The second issue is he feels the marriage is an alive thing, and so it will take care of itself. Something will happen to set things right. Some sort of miracle. He need not contribute anything to it and if things do not work out, he will opt out.
Both aspects of his thoughts are flawed. If he is contributing his share into the marriage, why is his wife unhappy? Why are there constant fights, why are there unwanted conflicts? Has he ever bothered to find out the reason for his wife’s unhappiness? Does he really care about her happiness? Or does he think his wife is unnecessarily moping?
What type of marriage do his parents have? The husband is the provider, master and the wife just obeys? If this is his exposure to a marriage, then no wonder he is unable to accept that his wife can be different. That his marriage can be different.
His belief system has to change a little. He must learn to accommodate his wife’s feelings and discuss all major issues with her.
If he thinks the marriage will take care of itself, they need not contribute or work on it, then he is in a fool’s paradise. No relationship will work without the participants actively participating. There should be equal give and take, acceptance, understanding and willingness to work.
I think the wife here is fighting for respect and acceptance. She wants him to acknowledge her contribution, wants attention from him and wants him to appreciate her as a person. She wishes to be consulted on all issues, she wants to work on the marriage and wants him to acknowledge there is a problem but it can be solved with proper communication.
This couple will have to start with basic counseling, what is marriage? Actually this couple would have benefited with pre-marital counseling. They seem to have different views and perceptions of marriage, and they have to come to some sort of midway resolution. Their expectations from marriage seem to be totally different.
Unless there is mutual acceptance in a marriage, unless there is the willingness to work on a relationship, things will not improve. A marriage is a new relationship, it is different from any other relationship, even from another marriage. The couple in question will have to charter out their own course, but together. It cannot be lopsided. There is the danger of capsizing.
Instead of not having any physical contact, if this couple start to communicate, examine their hearts and try to understand each other, there is no hope for them. They have to set aside their egos, try and sort out their major issues of contention, and work on their marriage.
They should not allow the families from either side to interfere. Normally the parents are called in to mediate. This will further aggravate the marriage. There can be no objectivity and so things could get murkier.
If they agree to go for counseling, and if they agree to devote time for the sessions, are determined to have a healthy relationship, they will be able to achieve a breakthrough.