She has had an abusive childhood and suffered a lot at her parental home. She narrated so many incidents to support her claim. She told me how she was always at logger heads with her parents and had to fight for her right of space. She felt very unloved and in fact she said she was cursed a lot.
All this made her decide she had to study well and get a job. Her life script was made up and she pursued her goal with a single minded devotion. She told me she had to face a lot of obstacles, but ultimately managed to get a decent job.
She watched her sisters suffer in marriage and wanted to have a stable marriage herself. She dreamed of a husband who would love her to distraction, this is because she was herself starved for love. She was determined she would make her marriage work and was hoping to meet a soul mate.
Unfortunately for her, she was married into a family where there were lots of inner currents. Her husband himself has to undergo psychiatric treatment and the atmosphere in her marital home was far from conducive. For outsiders, she is lucky. Married into a well known family, with lots of wealth. But the inner workings were emotionally abusive for her.
She has put up with a lot of problems, even contemplated suicide and has pulled on for her child’s sake. It has been quite a few years and now she is ready to settle down in her own home. She was full of enthusiasm and wanted to consult for a different issue.
I admired the grit of that woman. The incidents she narrated would have easily crumpled down anyone. But she seems to be made of sterner stuff. She is a very voluble person. She couldn’t stop talking.
The reason she told me was it was for the first time she found someone who was willing to listen to her. She wanted to unburden herself and she told me she had only her diary for friendship. She showed me the books she has written down her thoughts, but she wanted a person to listen to her.
She has always been discriminated against, it has turned her a little bitter. But she brushes it off the next moment. Because of her husband’s condition, she never got companionship from him. She cannot go to her parental home for sympathy. They do not understand and are afraid of her coming to live with them. According to her parents she has a home, a husband and a child. She has to live there with them.
She wanted to know why her mother never showed any love towards her. Why her mother lacked maternal love. She is a mother herself and cannot imagine reprimanding her child or not showering love on the child. So the behavior of her mother is perplexing to her.
She also wanted to have a friend in whom she could confide. She wanted to know where she could get one, whether she would get one. She has so much to share, she is consumed by this need.
She hates her parents, these are the words she used. But she also wants to care for them. I suggested she get some medical insurance for them. That way she caters to their needs and also does not have to hand over cash to them. They do not appreciate whatever the amount she gives and she feels bad after handing over the money. She wants to care for them, but not give cash, since her father is capable of spending it on his drinks. So the idea of medical insurance was very appealing for her. I told her it was one suggestion, she could think of other options.
She has great plans for her child, she tells me her child is very intelligent and very bright. I asked her if she wanted to make new friends. She feels let down by the existing ones. She feels she is looked down upon because of her husband’s condition. She wants to meet people who will not be swayed by her husband’s medical problems.
I suggested she join some course or go for group activities. Some place where she can meet people, get to expand her circle. The more people she meets, the better the chances of her developing a good friendship with someone.
She had developed the habit of writing down the cost-benefit analysis of any issue. She would jot down the points that occur to her and later compare the notes. She told me she had no one to turn to and so her notebook was her constant companion.
She has weathered a lot of crises, with nil support and has come out of them with her reasoning intact. And she told me she would come often to discuss and talk to me. She wanted to air her thoughts and felt glad she had found me.
She told me in her college days, psychology was looked down upon. She had felt truly jobless people took up that course! She realized the importance of psychologists now and went about in a determined fashion looking for one. She told me there has to be a better and easier way of getting to meet psychologists. She asked me to advertise my services very prominently. She told me there were many who needed the services of a psychologist. It was her tip for me!