She wrote to say she was the only earning member in her family. She had a couple of siblings dependent on her to further their education. She was employed and earning well. Her father was no more and so she had shouldered the responsibility of her family willingly.
She had not wanted to get married; she felt it was an unnecessary hassle. But she was persuaded to marry. A good alliance had come in and she was asked to change her viewpoint. At this point, she had a frank chat with her fiancé and told him about her commitments.
She had made it very clear she would continue to work after marriage and she had to help her family financially. Her fiancé had agreed and soon they got married. She had to take a loan for her marriage and she has started to repay that also.
Now her husband is pressurizing her to give up her job. He also wanted a child immediately and told her she would have to quit her job once she conceives. She is under a lot of pressure and stress. She says she cannot quit her job, her family depends on her and she cannot leave them in a lurch.
Her younger siblings will finish their education in a couple of years, and they will start work then. Also her mother does not keep good health, her medical expenses are to be met. If she quits her job, she feels her family will be condemned.
And to add to her woes, she discovered she is pregnant. She is fast feeling cornered. She is regretting having married in the first place. Her marital life is full of arguments and fights. This is will put additional stress on her pregnancy.
She is at her wits end. She wanted a way out. She sounded very desperate. She also said her work pressure was high and she was having concentration problems. Her morals and values were clashing with her marital duties. She wanted to know who would bear all her family’s expenses and repay her loan? Her husband was not willing to do so.
Breaking up her marriage was not an option, though she was sorely tempted. She felt betrayed and said her husband had gone back on his promises. Nor was aborting the child an option.
I suggested she take a couple of days off and relax. She had to be calm. Only then solutions would arise. Maybe she could have a frank chat with her siblings. Maybe suggest to them shifting their studies to evening college or distance education. They could try to get a job and ease her financial burden.
Her family is not only her responsibility. She could also discuss with her mother her situation. Which mother would not appreciate her daughter’s plight? Maybe take a medical insurance policy for her mother, which can be renewed every year. Her siblings could take over renewing the policy later.
She had to have a chat with her husband. Ask him to help her find solutions, rather than dictate to her. He had to appreciate her position, she could think of quitting after her baby was born. In the meantime if her health permitted, she could continue working, this way she could repay her loan since he was not offering to do so.
She could buy herself time and look for solutions without being stressed out.
Why was her husband behaving in this fashion? He was not caught unawares with her problems and commitments. He was aware of them before his marriage. Why did he not object then? Was he all along planning to make her quit her job, and promised with no intentions of carrying out his promises? How can a woman live with a person who does not keep his word? How can trust be built up? Will this lack of trust not harm the marital relationship?
What precisely does he want her to do sitting at home? Does he not realize she will be wasting her education and talents? She can improve and rise higher in her career. This will only benefit him and their future life. Or does he have inferiority complex? Does he feel working women are arrogant and will have no respect for their husbands?
Whatever his reasoning, he has made his wife very unhappy. She will be frustrated sitting at home and this will definitely affect her health. Will that bother him?
I could feel her pain and frustrations. How to tell her marriage is important? She is not seeing any fun or joy in it. In fact she never wanted to marry, and her marriage is reinforcing her idea that all marriages are only full of hassles. She is weighed down by mental, physical and emotional stress. Hope she learns to be calm and finds out solutions. She deserves to enjoy her life and I hope she will be happy.