A lady had called in to speak to me about something that was troubling her. She is a married woman, and her marriage is a love marriage. They were colleagues and actually she did the chasing. Apparently she liked his way of talking; maybe he kept her in splits.
At the time of her romance, another colleague was also interested in her. She did not pay too much attention to him; she was busy chasing the guy she eventually married. But she knew the other guy was interested in her.
She is employed, and says she is leading a comfortable life. Her marriage does not have any problems and they are trying for a child. Their marriage did not have any high peaks or low valleys, it was on smoothly.
Her problem now is that the colleague who was interested in her contacted her and told her he was interested in her at that time. He had never expressed it openly, and he felt he had to get it off his chest. So years later he confessed to her. He is apparently married and having a child. He confessed and later refused to take her calls. This confession has disturbed her a lot.
She could have just taken it as a compliment and be flattered. But she is disturbed. Why? It is very flattering to know you are attractive. But reasoning suggests that it should be taken only as a compliment.
Instead this lady says she feels like meeting this guy. Apparently she has mentioned this conversation to her husband, and he did not have any problems with it. But her need to meet this guy, will it not trouble her husband? Was she willing to risk her marriage?
She vehemently declined any other motive but friendship. What friendship can one have with a guy who confesses he has loved you? Will it not fan the fires again? This gentleman is married, and if his wife were to know the details, what would the situation be?
She was like a pup with a piece of cloth, which he does not let go, despite not getting anything useful from it. She said she knew very well this could lead to trouble, but she still hankered after the idea of meeting him.
I asked her why? If he had just spoken of old times and called off, would she still have wanted to meet him? She said most probably not. At least she was honest. She did say the fact that he confessed, most probably, is creating this need in her. Her brain understood but her mind did not.
What does one counsel her on? She is aware of the consequences and also the fact remains that he does not respond to her calls or messages. This is piquing her more. She is not letting this whole incident blow over. She was denying on the one hand the involvement of her feeling and on the other because of his confession she wanted to meet him.
I asked her to go ahead and meet him. I asked her to pretend she was meeting him, what would she say? She did not know. I asked her if she would enquire about his wife, child, work, health, and so on. After that what would she talk on? She did not know. She just wanted to meet him, she had not thought about anything further. I told her to go ahead and meet him, if it was so important for her. Maybe she could take her husband with her on the visit. She was not too certain.
We discussed all the pros and cons of meeting/not meeting. She was aware of all the consequences but still maintained she wanted to meet him. His statement seems to have disturbed her a lot.
Was her marriage not happy and was she living in a fool’s paradise? Was she not able to admit to herself the status of her marriage? If she is happy in her marriage, why has another man’s confession disturbed? That too a confession that is old? He has confessed his love for her, which he had a few years ago. He never said he is still carrying a torch for her. So why is she so disturbed?
Is she disturbed as she claims or is she attracted? Is she trying to fool herself by declaring all she wants is his friendship? Why friendship now? What is she lacking in her life that she needs his friendship now? What need in her is he going to fulfill? He has broken all contacts, is that what is bothering her? Does she want to hear from him his confession again? Does she want to know why he was attracted to her in the first place, does her ego need flattering?
Maybe she is missing romance in her life, and so has the woman in her woken up on hearing this confession? She was not able to answer this question. She kept saying her marriage was going great, but it sounded hollow.
What will she do? Will better sense prevail or will she keep hankering after this? Maybe if he does not respond at all, she will get over this idea. Maybe her life is too placid now, and this has raised her excitement level. And I seemed to have raised unwanted questions. At the end of an hour, she said she was getting over him already!