She is a working woman. The boy too is in a good position, but he is unable to marry now. His sister has to be married, which may happen very soon. He wishes to marry after his sister is married.
The girl’s parents have reluctantly agreed for the marriage. But they are not happy. They feel she could have done better, or rather they could have got a better companion for her. They are not happy with the boy’s family either. They do not have the confidence that she will be happy with his family.
The boy wants to marry only with his parents’ permission. His father is not too inclined, though his mother is right now concerned with her daughter’s marriage. She says there is time to talk after her daughter’s marriage. Maybe she fears her daughter’s marriage will be affected once the fact that her son wants to marry a girl of a different religion gets known. Both families are disturbed and pained by their children’s intentions.
The girl’s father who came in to see me was hurting a lot. He tried talking to his daughter and making her give up her decision. But she is adamant. Maybe she is genuinely in love, and wants to marry this boy.
But what does she know of his religion? Is she aware of the rituals that will have to be followed by her after marriage? And his religion does have certain rituals that have to be followed strictly.
It is a very messy situation. The girl has every right to select her own life companion, but the parents also want a say. In India, the parents arrange relationships. And not many parents accept love marriages, especially the ones that involve different caste and religion.
Here the parents are resigned to the union, only they are not sure their daughter has made a wise choice. They are apprehensive because they did meet the family and were not impressed by them. Could it be because they were upset and prejudiced already? When you go with a negative mindset, everything appears negative.
Or their apprehensions are right. And their girl is heading for a very stormy relationship. But she is determined she wants to marry her boy friend. She says she is aware of the issues involved in the relationship. She seems adamant enough to carry on even if there are irrevocable issues.
I fully understood this father’s anguish. He was very disappointed at his daughter’s choice. She seems to be a very independent person. They have accepted that till now, but this issue is troubling them. He wanted to know if there was something he could do to make her change her mind? She has been in this relationship for more than two years. Would she change her mind?
I suggested he ask her to come in and see me. I do not wish to dissuade her, it is her life and her decision. Maybe I could probe her thoughts as to what she sees in him, and give her some information about her boyfriend’s religion. At least let her go into this relationship with her eyes open.
It is a situation that a conservative parent will find it difficult to accept. The parents will have to accept her decisions and hope she finds happiness. Otherwise, however angry they are with her, when she suffers, they suffer too.