The first couple of years will see lots of conflicts as the couple settle down to married life.  But this is also the period of great excitement. This time is spent in exploration and discovery of each other.  If this excitement continues for long, then marital life can be meaningful.

But there are times when a marriage will sag.  Ebbs and flows will be there and it is for the couple to recognize the ebbs and arrest them.  With the stress of daily living, sometimes we fail to see the red flags that appear in our relationship.  There are various red flags that show danger to the relationship.

The first red flag will be that of lack of romance and intimacy.  When the zing is lost, and the couple exists, then there is no fizz in their relationship. When you do not automatically reach for each other, when you do not anticipate the time spent together with excitement, when you run through life and forget to hold hands, when you do not find time to spend with each other, and when naughtiness is missing, then you have to sit up and take cognizance. 

The next flag is that of inability to have fun together.  Earlier going for movies, romantic dinners, driving or walking on a well moonlit night, cuddling up in front of the television and watching a mushy and romantic movie, all these gave lots of pleasure.  Or trying out new dishes, trying your hand at cooking for each other, were fun activities.  Washing the car or dog and getting wet, massaging each other, would build up the mood.  When these activities are forgotten, or not indulged in for lack of time, the fun goes out.   Try to rekindle the romance and fun.

The next flag is selfishness and lack of respect. If your relationship deteriorates into this, then there is cause for concern.  When you fear conflict and do not wish to indulge in it, the vibrancy will be lost. 

The next very red flag is over commitment of time for others.  There is no private time for each other, friends and others become more important, and then resentment will set in.  A married woman lost her father, her mother has come to live with them, and she insists her daughter sleep with her.  The daughter has obliged because she feels her mother’s emotional health is very important, this has laid an obvious strain on her relationship with her husband. This is a red flag, and if she does not set things right, her marriage will suffer.

Here the over spending of time on someone other than spouse may lead to sexual or emotional infidelity. 

Another red flag is over spending.  If either spouse is a spend thrift, then there will be strain on the financial aspect of the marriage. 

The next flag is too much dependence on parents.  This can and does break marriages.  Parents have to be respected and depended on in times of crisis, but there should be no constant interference from them.  Couples must learn to depend on each other.  Then mutual trust and respect will emerge.

The next red flag is sexual problems.  This can lead to a strain in the relationship and lots of frustrations.  If any sexual problem exists, it should be resolved and both must co-operate to over come it.  If necessary expert advice has to be sought.

Addiction to drugs and/or alcohol is another red flag.  If this is not addressed in the initial stages then it will spiral out of control and break a marriage.  Here too expert professional help should be obtained. 

Domestic violence is another red flag.  It shows lack of respect, attempts at control and domination.  It should not be encouraged.  The sooner it is nipped in the bud, the better.

If either of the spouses has unrealistic expectations from the marriage and from the spouse, this can lead to lot of upsets.  Sometimes the wife will keep expecting her husband should provide for all comforts, should always take her out and enjoy, should not question what she does with money, all these are over expectations.  Anything done should be after mutual discussion.  Like wise the husband should not expect his wife to give up her friends and family and concentrate only on him.  This is a red flag.

And any marriage that has happened before both the spouses have matured psychologically, is doomed.  If a man marries before he is 20, there are chances he will regret and not be mature enough to take on responsibility of the marriage.  He has to be older, must know what he is letting himself in for. 

If any of these red flags rear their heads, then please do notice and take steps to counter them.  Build a healthy and happy marriage.  Let it be vibrant and alive.  

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