Parenting Styles: How They Affect Children
Our counselor Rajani Nandakumar delves into a case of siblings who have adopted two different parenting styles. The brother’s parenting style is slightly dysfunctional, while the sister has adopted democratic parenting style. The end result is there for all to see.
I happened to observe two families over the years. Siblings who have married and settled in life. They in turn have their own families. I observed the contrast in parenting styles and the end products of the styles. The children of these siblings are as different as chalk from cheese.
The brother and the sister born into a middle class family were given good education. The brother got employed after his professional education and later got married. The sister married after her education, and she has not worked outside her marriage. They both have children, the sister has a son and a daughter while the brother has a son.
These children have grown up into working adults. They are professionally trained, and working in good organizations. All of them are earning well and settling down in life. Except for the daughter, the two male cousins are married and have become fathers themselves.
Now the contrast is, the brother’s son has grown up with a chip on his shoulder. He has grown up with the belief that money can buy anything. He believes in brands, the more expensive they are, the better. He loves to spend and does not feel there is any need for savings now. He flares up when it is suggested to him he is blowing away his income.
He is brash, and can be rude when he feels slighted. Any perceived insult and he has to have the last word. And here age, position, relationship does not matter. He just lets his opinion be known. He is happy when he is allowed to lead his life the way he feels is right. He does not wish to receive advice.
He is lovable in his own way. He can be cheerful, helpful and resourceful. All good and positive qualities as long as he is not given any negative feedback.
The sister’s children on the other hand have values of respecting others and are easy going too. They too are resourceful, helpful and do have a great sense of humor. They have a healthy respect for money, and have good financial understanding. Their mother has taught them that money is available, but to be spent only when necessary. Both are professionally trained, so they have landed great jobs. The daughter changed her course mid-stream. But the parents did not object. The parents supported her to find her own niche.
The sister’s children were taught to stand on their own legs and share whatever they have. All the children have traveled widely. They have been exposed to different cultures, food and people. But each has imbibed life’s lessons in individualistic ways. Each one’s perception is different and the contrast is very visible when these cousins come together.
The brother’s son is boisterous, while the sister’s children do enjoy but also keep their spirits under control. The sister’s children do not tread on toes; one look from the mother is enough to quieten them. Their father is also strict, but he has left the major parenting responsibility to the mother.
The brother is now realizing there is something different between his son and his sister’s children. The brother is worried over his son’s apparent lack of thoughts for the future and is also surprised over his son’s preference for branded things. He wonders where his son picked up that habit.
This is a case of siblings who have adopted two different parenting styles. The brother’s parenting style is slightly dysfunctional. While the sister has adopted democratic parenting style. The end result is there for all to see.