Why you should seek professional help for psychiatric issues
A young girl was brought in for counseling. Her parents were perplexed with her behavior and were not able to handle her queries.
She is engaged to be married and speaks very well. But a few sentences and it was very clear she was suffering from a psychiatric issue. When I asked since when was she like this, I was told since she did her tenth grade. She is a graduate and has done some special courses too. But she is far removed from reality.
She refused to work saying the work atmosphere was not suited for her. She also kept talking of being in touch with celebrities. She insisted people never spoke to her directly, they always sent others to sound her out. She was wary, but somehow they would exploit her. She claimed people used her powers to improve themselves.
When I asked how she was engaged when she was obviously not all there, the parents told me she asked to be married. She was under psychiatric care, but had not gone in for a review for at least a couple of years. I suggested she first seek a review with the doctor and help her get in touch with some form of reality. Even then whether she will manage a marriage, will her fiance want to marry her knowing her condition, were all unknown factors.
Another young woman walked out of her marriage barely a few months into it. She later took up a job and her husband has no clue where she is. Her parents claim she is very sensitive, she has to be handled in a very delicate manner. She cannot be expected to carry out the duties of a wife like any other girl. If the husband gives a written undertaking that he will handle her delicately and keep her extremely happy, the parents will allow him to get in touch with her.
A young man gets married and soon the wife finds out he has depression issues. His mother claims he is fine, but now his behavior is creating stress for her too. I questioned if there was any psychiatric issues in the family, she denied it. Said both sides of the family never had any members who were ever diagnosed with any such issues.
While probing it became clear the young man’s father too had similar issues. The difference is that the wife was requested by her mother not to make an issue out of such things. She had siblings to be married off, so the question of her walking out of her marriage did not arise. So she quietly suffered and managed as best as she could. Her daughter-in-law is undergoing the same situation.
The young woman wanted professional help to address her husband’s issues. She recognizes there is issue and wants help. The elderly woman is very anxious. She realizes her daughter-in-law has options, though that young lady is not inclined to separate. She wants to resolve it and make her marriage healthy.
When parents fail to understand the consequences of their ward’s medical/ psychological/ psychiatric issues, they are doing a great harm by marrying them off. These youngsters are not fit for marriage, at least until they are under medical care. There are families where one spouse is under psychiatric care. The other family members manage around, though the stress is tremendous. Given a chance if these family members knew of the psychiatric issue before marriage, they would not have opted for marrying this person. It can be a very stressful marriage.
When the condition is revealed, no one will come forward to marry the affected person. So parents feel these individuals can be married off, some how they will manage. Many such women are discarded by their spouses, and some of them have children too.
Many parents do not even accept their children have psychiatric issues. The father of the girl mentioned above, who is engaged now, refuses to accept his daughter has issues. I asked him what would happen to her when she faces stress in her marital life? How will she cope? Will she be able to have physical relationship? He agreed his daughter could have problems, but still was not convinced about medication. He said she was fine as long as she did not have access to phone or internet. Such an environment can be created for her? So he was blaming outside agents for his daughter’s condition.
Handling emotionally immature individuals can be a drain. Imagine the drain while handling people with psychiatric issues. When one spouse has paranoia or is suspicious, the partner’s life will be hell. And for no fault of theirs a divorce tag gets attached.
The individual is not aware of the issue. The parents need to recognize the symptoms, seek professional help. Marriage may or may not happen. The individual can have a marriage, provided the medications are taken regularly, reviews happen and the spouse and extended family give lots of support.
But first professional help has to be obtained.