A mother of a young man complained that most young girls are not ready for marriage. They do not have traditional values and are not trained properly by their parents, especially by their mothers.
What she wanted to say was that most of the profiles her son was receiving showed such a trend. One girl had written she does not know to cook, another had said she will travel on work. Yet another girl had written she is used to having servants to fetch and carry, so she expected her in-laws’ home to have servants too.
This horrified the mother of the young man. She felt the girls were being forward, arrogant and would ruin their marriages. She is a very traditional lady, so according to her the young woman who marries her son should be God fearing, know traditional cooking, should be a good hostess and may or may not work to earn. She also wanted a girl who would take over her mothering and carry on waiting on her son!
Most mothers of young men think only a girl needs to be made ready for marriage. They forget their sons too are getting married, these young men also form the other halves in the relationships. So it is only fair that ladies who have sons need to make sure their young men are ready for marriage too.
I have seen couples where the young man is obviously not medically fit. Also in some relationships, the young men have mild psychological issues. These are glossed over. An aunt of mine wanted her son to marry a young lady who is very fair. She got a fair looking daughter-in-law, but she was not satisfied. She wanted a fairer one. Her son is dark. Can you imagine the contrast?
She was asked why she was so hung up on fair skin when her son was dark, she said guys need not be good looking. The fact that he is a guy is enough!
Young men can learn a bit about cooking, housekeeping and certainly about how to be healthy. Being health conscious is not a bad thing. You will look good and you will also have healthy children. Mothers need to teach their sons to recognize, understand and accept their emotions. This will allow them to understand and respect others emotions.
Mothers of sons need to teach their sons to respect all forms of life, especially women. Then there will be less abuse in society. Each individual has an anima as well as animus in him/her. The anima part is the feminine part. Men need to get in touch with their anima part to be able to become complete. It is not macho to only flex your muscles. You as a man can be adorable when you caress a baby, hug your wife/girl friend, or when you wear an apron.
Parents must be able to teach responsible values to their children. Why is the dowry system still there? Maybe not overtly, but it is still demanded and given. In spite of the fact that the gender ratio is skewed. There are lesser number of females in comparison to the male population.
It is not that all men are only macho and do not know how to demonstrate their love and affection. There are gems everywhere, who are willing to go a mile without complaints for their family, spouse and children. But unfortunately, more and more young men seem to only focus on their masculinity.
For a marriage to be healthy, both partners need to complement and supplement each other. Egos ruin a marriage and the need for control based on superior gender can lead to havoc.
Young men, are you ready to carry on the responsibility of marriage and family? Are you ready to be husbands, sons-in-law and fathers? Do you even know what are the responsibilities and expectations from these roles? Will you feel threatened by a wife who earns more than you? A wife who has male friends?
Men too need to mature emotionally and mentally. They too need to learn tolerance and the ability to support and encourage their better halves in life. A good education, a decent job, good prospects for professional upgrade, social and communication skills, good health and also no addictions. It could be fun to have a beer in the group of your friends, but when you get addicted to having beer every weekend, it could turn into a problem.
Young men must learn to balance life and work. Balance their parental family and their in-laws. They need to understand which area of their lives require attention, and be willing to de-focus in other areas to achieve good results in the required area.
Men have physical strength. They need to develop their emotional and mental health. Understand the nuances of a marital relationship and be willing to work on it. They need to understand about boundaries and respect them.
All these qualities can be taught at home, and parents can be their role models. When parents have vision and their mission is to achieve that vision, (a healthy marriage for their son), they will impart the right kind of teaching.
Parents, especially mothers, please do not depend on another girl to pull the whole relationship. The burden could turn out to be too much and there are chances of cracks appearing.