Both of them complained about their respective husbands spending all waking hours on the phone or their laptop. They have no time for conversation, socializing or even eating on time.
One gentleman is totally consumed by his business calls. His wife knows the nature of his calls are all business. She has no issues there. There is no trust factor being infringed upon. But he being constantly on the phone is irking her.
His friends have started to sound annoyed. His parents too have expressed their displeasure. He visits his in-laws, but his phone conversations are more than his one to one conversations. His wife is upset, she has been demanding some travel, or just an evening together. When they travel abroad, he first looks for a charge card which he can use.
The other couple have the laptop as a third factor in their relationship. The two of them are not bonding, the wife feels. Here, it is not all work. He sometimes also plays games. But he prefers to spend time on his system rather than with her. And he hates to have his things disturbed. The cleaning lady does not have access to his room.
Both these women were asked to think of ways to jolt their husbands out of their technology outlets. They were asked to even think of the outrageous, which brought on lots of laughter. The sessions were separate, and at different times of the month. But I could not help notice the similarity of their situation in this aspect.
Both these men seem to have taken refuge in their electronic gadgets to avoid conflicts. There are several issues simmering between these couples. Both men do not see the need to come in for counseling. They have no time, they say and they do not feel it is necessary.
The ladies are to come back with their ideas. It is distressing in that these couples are losing out on we time and all the added enjoyments. The bonding that can happen with sharing of time, thoughts, feelings, hobbies, travel, etc is not being given a chance.
When you try to avoid conflict, the conflict builds up. And there is no saying when it will blow, and how the effect is going to be. One young man was so busy building up his business, he neglected his home and wife. After fifteen years, one day he came home to an empty house. His wife had left and while leaving, she had donated all their belongings. He had an empty house and nil bank balance.
This action of the wife may not have been solely due to her husband’s neglect. Maybe there were other issues. There was a good chance he would have noticed how unhappy she was if he was not so obsessed with his work. He believes it is due to neglect and so advises all his male friends to remain good friends with their spouses and to bond better. This experience has made him wiser.
It is said that no one should enter a couple’s marriage. There is only space for God. But sometimes a counselor can be of real help. The couples can avoid blame games, stop hurting themselves and nurture their relationship.