Then the usual rounds start. The expectations are aired, the conditions firm up. Soon prospective profiles start appearing through marriage brokers, online access or even through relatives/friends. Vetting is done and finally one profile is accepted. The boy/girl is asked to view the photo and give comment. Later a meeting is arranged, families and the youngsters meet.
If all things fall in place the marriage gets fixed and soon all the necessary arrangements get done. The wedding day dawns, the couple get married. There could be several hiccups between the time the wedding date is fixed and the actual wedding day. But generally all things are handled well and the ceremonies are over.
Now what happens when one profile after the other is rejected by the family or the boy/girl? What happens when stringent conditions are laid and no profile seems to fit them? How long will the search go on? Is it possible to get a profile that fulfills 100% of all the criteria, and conditions? Does such a perfect profile exist? Where does one draw the line?
A family are looking for a bride for their son. He is well educated, well placed professionally and also earning quite well. Now his family wants a bride who will be simple and not greedy. How to make sure this happens? The family is also quite traditional and orthodox. They seem to be unable to find a suitable bride.
No profile seems to satisfy them. Every profile seems to have some unacceptable conditions. Several well wishers, relatives and friends have tried to help with suitable proposals. But to no avail. All help has dried up. The boy is also getting on in years. And he wants his sister to give approval, before he marries.
What will happen here? The young man could end up being lonely; unless he learns to analyze his expectations and select one. He could also find someone for himself. After all he is working, he must be meeting a lot of interesting people. There has to be some crisis in the family, before a decision will be taken. Otherwise they will keep looking, keep rejecting and have an unmarried, lonely son living with them.
There will always be a better profile than the one selected. One needs to understand that only so much can be anticipated. You can make sure the external parameters are present, but how will you gauge the personality of the prospective profile? Looks can be deceptive. And elaborate hoaxes can be pulled. So many people have been duped in the name of marriage.
Another family want their daughter to be married. She is a budding artist, and so the family wants her to marry a person who will encourage her profession. The family knows she has talent and she will be a shining star someday. They do not want her talent snuffed out; they want a family that will appreciate her and her talent. There are several proposals that have indicated their acceptance of this condition. But still the family is undecided.
They want the boy to be well placed, earning well and also in the city of their choice. Even with these conditions, they are looking for a match in all areas of the horoscope. In the process, the girl is getting older. She too seems to have idealistic expectations. But she is getting frustrated. That is evident.
Some families become paranoid about the marriage of their children. They would have come across abusive or broken marriages in their extended families. And so want to make sure their children have happy marriages. But can this be guaranteed fully?
Instead of looking for the ideal partner (if someone like this exists), the families need to equip their children to be close to ideal. They need to impart to their children skills on conflict management, values, interpersonal relationship and how to manage their emotions. Their children can be taught to have an open mind, be flexible and to have commitment in whatever they take up.
In the event the relationship does not work, these children will not go under. They will cope well, and know how to move on. You need to teach your children mature and responsible coping skills. They will make mistakes, they could be taken advantage off. The children need to be allowed to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Parents will not be there around always to fight the battles of their children.
Parents need to trust their children to have abilities and skills to cope, and also know that there are things beyond their control. They need to teach their children also this truth. The focus needs to be internal, not external. Instead of looking for that one person who will make the relationship work, look to equip your children and teach them the importance of working on their relationship.
Marriage has its own risk. No relationship is fool proof. There needs to be intimacy as well as certain amount of individualism. Tolerance and unconditional acceptance can take the relationship a long way. Compatibility needs to come from within, not just trust horoscope matches alone. No relationship is based on one parameter only, there are several known and unknown items that go into a relationship.
How many can you anticipate before you even start a relationship? Trying to safeguard against each and every eventuality is not possible. The sooner this is understood, the better.