Wanting revenge is such a basic need. When one is hurt, insulted or even ticked off, one will want to take revenge. I have heard people say they wait for the opportune moment to take revenge. It gives them so much joy to turn the tables.
Revenge may not so huge, or incapacitating. This happens between children and friends. Like for example, a piece of cake is taken from another’s plate when that person is not watching. Now the one who has lost that piece will wait for the proper time to swipe away a whole favorite item of the one who took the piece of cake on the sly. I have been witness to such pranks.
But there are people who harm in the name of revenge. An imagined slight, an inadvertent remark that is taken as insult, will all lead to major revenge. Major serials on television have this theme. And the revenge can be as creative as the script writer’s imagination.
I have heard some people say they will even come back from the dead as ghosts just to take revenge! Is this possible?
One gentleman has said his wife is upset over some incidents in the past. Apparently his family have hurt her. I do not know how or what was the hurt, but this lady still brings up the issue once in a while. She says she will not put the matter to rest. The in-laws have even apologized, but she is bent on being bitter. He is upset over this whole issue; he feels she is spoiling the present and future by living in the past.
Apparently she wants revenge, so she keeps verbally abusing his family and him. She says she will continue doing this and make sure he does not live in peace. Along with his peace of mind, has she not lost hers too? She cannot be happy, she is so consumed with what has happened. Unless she learns to resolve it, she is going to be unhappy, miserable and fill her house with negativity.
Revenge is supposed to be sweet. Is it really? Many look forward with glee to take revenge. They plot and plan to give it back in more measure than received. And they are alert to the opportunity to pounce and take revenge.
Wanting revenge is an inner need. A need to show one is not inferior or lacking in something. But when one’s self concept is fairly intact, when one does not have the need to proclaim anything, then the need for revenge will not arise. One feels insulted, one can just move away, and avoid that person altogether. Why waste good energy on someone or something, when this energy can be utilized fruitfully elsewhere? Tit for tat behavior can appear childish.
When there is lot of negative energy inside, it gets projected outwards. Now one can just feel miserable or can under the influence of the negativity hurt people. So it all boils down to trying to stay positive, handling stress in a better fashion and repeating the Serenity Prayers. The need for revenge does not arise at all.
Withdrawal from an unpleasant situation can seem to exhibit weakness. It need not be so. When you are sure of yourself, when you know you did not do or say anything to warrant any insult or abuse, then it just means you need to focus elsewhere. Not at the abusive situation or the person.
One client gleefully said she would plot revenge. She would see insult, want to prove a point and then take sweet revenge. Later she told me these situations actually made her pull out her potential and achieve something which she wouldn’t have normally. So she is glad she was challenged, but she could not resist taking her revenge.
Wanting to take revenge is an age old concept. Major movies, novels, stories, serials have this as the central plot. A man is murdered, his son grows up to seek out the villain and kill him for revenge. Or a villain successfully separates a family of children and parents. Soon the family gets together and takes revenge on the villain. The jails are filled with people who have committed crimes in the name of revenge.
You do not have to be a Saint to refrain from taking revenge. Just pause and think, are you gaining anything from this attitude? What are you losing? Is your need for revenge impacting others who are not involved in this scenario? When you are consumed with revenge, can you be happy, at peace and positive?
Whether the need for revenge is right or wrong, depends on individual thinking and outlook. There is no complete consensus either way. So this need will arise in all generations, in every country. It is universal in nature and understood by all; irrespective of language, caste or religion.