A married lady was facing a new problem in her marital life. Her in-laws would complain against her to their son, he would take her to task. This has been happening for quite some time now and she was very upset initially, but was managing herself.
Slowly her husband started to realize that his mother was unnecessarily complaining about his wife. She was not a shirker as made out by his mother; in fact the whole house was being managed by his wife even though she is a working woman. Yes, it has taken a lot of years for this realization to dawn on her husband.
Now when his mother complains about his wife to him, he calls his wife and lets her know what happened. After his wife reaches home, he confronts his mother and asks her to restate her complaint. The mother has come to realize her son is no longer going to fall for her earlier game, so now she accuses her son of being partial to his wife.
He has started to show his anger over these silly complaints and started to put down certain rules. The daughter-in-law was upset over her mother-in-law’s comments. She developed a headache and was feeling miserable. She is happy her husband is now supporting her, but was upset her in-laws were still wanting to find fault with her.
I suggested she is missing the point. Her husband has started to trust her and support her. He is beginning to understand her, she has wanted this all along. Now she has it, she needs to capitalize on it. He has started to lay down rules, firm them up and set some of her own. She is regaining the control of her home, her life. She needs to be positive and plan ahead.
She was surprised and felt she was really focusing on something that was not so important. She still respects her in-laws, but now she feels she can set her limits. She is all charged and wants to bring more discipline in her home.
One young lady had asked a well known personality if he ever had conflicts and fights with his parents? He said fights had happened several times. Now if he, being their son, could have conflicts with them, is it fair to expect his wife not to have fights with them? She is new in the family, she has not been taken care of by the parents like he has been. He knows his parents from birth, still he fights with them. That is considered ok, but not when the daughter-in-law has differences.
If she does not have the right to argue then who has given them the right to fight with a girl born to some other family? Why this difference in outlook? The son can even abuse, but the daughter-in-law cannot even glare.
Those families where the daughter-in-law is asked to adjust to any circumstances, will not be healthy families. There is no warmth there, one member is constantly told not be have any feelings.
When you grow old, why do you feel insecure? Why can’t age bring its own security and tolerance? Yes, physically you will need help. But by being manipulative, mean, always trying to create trouble for the daughter-in-law, etc, you are actually digging your own grave. Why should the daughter-in-law feel obliged to care for you when you want her to? When you are old, and frail, why should the daughter-in-law develop compassion for you after all that you have put her through? Just as you build your financial security for old age through savings, insurance, investments, don’t you need to invest in relationships? Don’t you need to be wanted and loved for your easy going nature, your tolerance, your sense of drawing family closer? You cannot always hope to stay young and healthy.
There are so many families where the elderly are respected, wanted and cherished. They are cared for lovingly. This has not happened suddenly; the way the youngsters were treated when the elderly were young and healthy themselves, has sown the seeds for the care when now they are old and frail. Not many realize this and they end up being miserable when old. Uncared for and unwanted.
A common statement I hear is, “I want to go before I become a burden on my children”. A sentiment that all want, but how many can have this wish fulfilled? You need not be a burden; it all depends on you. A simple lesson, not understood by many.