A young man has formed his life script. It is that he has to earn to get people’s respect. His father used to earn for sometime, but soon gave up his job and lived off his wife’s earnings. So in his childhood, this young man thought his father did not have respect, and the reason was his jobless state. Actually his father was not respected because he had turned an alcoholic and an abuser. He would thrash his family and his wife bore the brunt of his ill temper.
Whatever the perception, this young man decided, come what may, he cannot be without a job. Only a job gives a man respect. He had charted his life pretty well. He entered a good industry and worked his way up. He managed to buy a house, a car and lives a pretty decent life. His wife is also earning, and he has two children.
He is able to afford a decent home, holidays and good education for his children. He has left his bitter childhood behind; he cared for his abusive father in his old age. This script has made him to be slightly rigid in life.
And because he is the principal earning member, he is the master of the house. This he has imbibed from his father. He does not mind his wife working, but there is no argument of who is the head of the family. He is not an abuser, nor does he have any vices. But he wishes to have his way always in certain things. His wife has accepted this trait of his, so there is no conflict. She could have insisted on her rights, but she realizes he is good at heart, and she does not feel she is really compromising. After all who is perfect?
He is an intense young man. He is quite helpful to people, but at his core he can be rigid. He has associated earning with respect and also feels when a man earns well, his family will respect him. His wife knows his childhood stories, she has accepted his life script. She is not willing to challenge it and bring on conflicts. She is working, having her own circle of friends, her children are happy and she is generally happy with the way things are.
When I explained to her about life script, she realized if at all anyone can do something about it is her own husband. If his life script gets him into constant friction with people, then he may need help. Unless he realizes the problems his script is getting him into, he will not want to change. Here, he does not realize he has formed his script. It is always formed subconsciously in one’s childhood. One carries on in life according to the script one has made. And unless this script gets one into trouble, one will not realize it exists and it needs to be changed.
He is doing fine with his script. He is doing well in his career, has saved up well and is also enjoying the perks of his earnings. The items of security that he wanted all his life, for example a house and a well paying job, are his now. And after watching his father waste money, he realizes the need for savings and having enough for the future.
Except for the fact that he does not seem to have much empathy, he seems fine. His sense of humor is good and he looks at life in black and white. He does not think a mid way exists. He is a very passionate person, will complete any job undertaken. He loves challenges, he loves to better himself professionally.
He believes in traditional roles for men and women. A man earns, the woman looks after the house, children and does the cooking. If his wife is able to manage all this and go for work, it is fine with him. She should not neglect the home or children in pursuit of her career. He is very clear about this. This attitude does irk his wife, but she has come to realize that she can push him so far and no further.
Some ladies may feel she is giving in too easily. But since it is her life, she chooses her priorities. She is reasonably happy with the way her life is unfolding. Since happiness is individualistic, there is nothing right or wrong about it. Since their roles are well etched, there is less conflict in this area. And they both prefer it this way.