I was in conversation with a lady who was generally talking about her sons and her husband. She later told me she is a housewife and busy with taking care of her sons, home and husband. She also did a lot of entertainment and she said she really did not have time for anything else.
When she came to know I am a psychologist, she wanted to know the reasons for young girls postponing marriage. She told me she has a niece who was in her twenties, but who was not willing to get married. That girl apparently did not feel there is anything positive about marriage.
I told her there were many reasons why a girl does not want to marry. Generally, it could be that she wants to settle in her career, has some goals to achieve, and so she is postponing marriage. She normally being economically independent, may not really feel the need for a partner. But these are general reasons. One cannot say all girls have these reasons only for postponing marriage.
Family dynamics have changed. Earlier there was joint family, with marriages happening often. The children would all welcome a marriage, it meant fun and lots of goodies to eat. It also meant new and expensive clothes to wear.
Now it is more unit family with mostly single child norm. The child could be a girl, and the parents go all out to see their child has the best of everything. She will be well educated, and she will be encouraged to have a career and be supported in all her individual decisions. Then these girls will wonder, why marry? They will love their independence and their freedom. Why curb it? This could also be a reason.
Each is an individual case. Each girl will have her individual reason/s for not marrying. This girl may have seen only problem marriages. So she will wonder why should she let herself in for trouble? She is fine now, why invite problems? Or she does not really know the positive reasons for marriage. It is not only for sex and procreation, it also gives one a life partner, a life companion with whom you can share so much. Your parents, family, siblings, friends may not be there always for you, your life partner will definitely be there.
In marriage you get a companion to love and to fight too. This is one person with whom you can be yourself, indulge in all your fantasies, venture into the unknown, and also who will help you grow as a person.
When you marry, you also get an extended family for you. This family can help in enriching you. There could be problems, but if you know how to face and tackle them, then things can be fine. With marriage, you also start your own family. The joy of motherhood, will compensate for all other problem issues.
I was talking to a young mother the other day. She was all agog with party plans for her young son. She wanted things to be good and had made elaborate plans for the party. She was in a tizz, she wanted to specialize the party. She appeared so involved, she did not want to outsource the party. She was willing to go all over town to get what she wanted. Her friends were laughing at her frenzy, but she wanted her son to have a dream birthday. Where else will you get this joy and energy?
When you get a soul mate, life can be so interesting. So many discoveries to be made, so many places to explore together. You need not spend lonely evenings and nights. You have someone to care for you when you fall ill or feel down. Someone to cheer you when you feel sad, to make you happy when you are feeling depressed and someone to hold you hand when you want comfort. You can lean on this person’s shoulder, and at times of sorrow and loss, your life partner becomes your haven for finding peace. Your partner could be your greatest fan!
A young girl may not want marriage simply because she is afraid of commitment or does not know what responsibilities she will have to face once she is married. Marriage is a big step and though it brings joy and fun, it also involves a lot of work. The process of settling down in a relationship can be daunting, and it may leave many youngsters wondering why they married in the first place.
There are also youngsters who have all their chores being done by their parents. Marrying and going away will entail having to do these very chores themselves. This can be a pain and these young people will prefer staying with parents. Then the cause for this disinterest in marriage are the parents. They have not been responsible parents and this can change the future equation a lot.
Some youngsters will also say they do not want marriage because they may be in love with someone. Till they are able to get the parents to meet, accept and endorse their decision, they will be tense. And the topic of marriage by parents will give them stress. The person he/she wants to marry may need time before declaring the intentions. So to buy time, this youngster will say he/she does not want marriage now.
I had a client who did not want to marry because she wanted to do social service. She wanted time to analyze whether she would go on the path to social service. And the topic of marriage was giving her anxiety. She wanted her parents to understand her feelings, and accept her decision. She wanted to work, earn enough to start an orphanage. She seemed very focused and so her parents have decided to give her time. They are not happy, but they have no choice.
And sometimes, unfortunate though it is, child sexual abuse could be the reason for not wanting to marry. Or even witnessing a violent sexual act. Maybe some adult has filled her mind with how sex is disgusting and after marriage, one has to endure it. Only a trained professional will be able to help in such cases.
So you see when a youngster says he/she is not willing to marry, there can be any number of reasons. Even something you would never think of. Human mind has so many networks, you never know which one is humming.